[brass band plays "Summer Holiday"]
[thunder crashes]
[band stops playing]
[thunder crashes]
♪ We're going where the sun shines brightly ♪
♪ We're going where the sea is blue ♪
♪ We've seen it in the movies ♪
♪ Now let's see if it's true ♪
♪ Everybody has a summer holiday ♪
♪ Doing things they always wanted to ♪
♪ So we're going on a summer holiday ♪
♪ To make our dreams come true ♪
♪ For me and you ♪
♪ Mm-hm, mm-hm ♪
I always say there's nothing like a beautiful English summer's day.
And this is certainly nothing like one.
Come on, Cyril, in seven days we'll be on our holiday.
Seven more days and we'll be on our holiday.
- Very well put, Edwin. - Where are we going to, anyway?
Steve, my boy, I've got it all worked out.
- Yeah? - Assuming we can hitchhike free
to the French Riviera and taking into account present prices there,
and the sum total of our savings,
we'll be able to stay there for three whole luxurious hours.
Very funny! Ha-ha!
Look, but seriously, fellas, what are we gonna do?
I don't know. I think Don's got something up his sleeve.
- Yeah. - His arm.
[music builds]
- ♪ I've got it! - Got what? ♪
♪ This bus - London Transport said OK ♪
♪ OK? ♪
♪ OK to what? ♪
♪ OK to use this bus for transport on our holiday ♪
♪ They're with it ♪
♪ With what? ♪
♪ With the plan I outlined to them today ♪
♪ What plan? ♪
♪ That's right, what plan? ♪
♪ If we can do it once, they'll back us all the way ♪
Look, can you explain in words of one syllable
exactly what you're talking about?
Listen, you nuts.
I've persuaded London Transport to lend us this old bus.
We fix it up like a mobile hotel.
This year, we live in it, take it to the South of France.
Then next year, we'll be ready to take paying passengers.
The sky's the limit!
- Great! Marvellous! - Isn't that great?
- Yeah, yeah. Yeah. - One thing.
- We've got to do the fixing. - That's all we've got to do?
That's all we've got to do, hmm.
Oh, come on, we've got plenty of time.
Plenty of time? Seven whole days?
It's easy when you've got friends. We'll get some of the fellas to help us.
Come on! Come on, everybody, we need your help.
Fred, come on. Bill, bring your mates.
Fred, Bill.
Jonathan, come here.
Bert, come on, got news for you.
Come on.
- [men chattering] - All we need is your help.
Got some great, great news.
[men chattering]
Fellas, fellas.
Look, fellas.
How would you like the unique opportunity of doing seven days overtime with no pay?
[men] No! No!
They sound very keen.
Look, seriously, fellas, we're in a bit of a jam. You see, we've just...
♪ Seven days to our holiday ♪
♪ And there's such a lot to do! ♪
♪ Come on, fellas, it's up to you ♪
♪ We're in an awful stew Get us out of this spot ♪
♪ Are you with us or not? ♪
- [men] Yeah! Yeah! - That's great!
Thanks a lot.
♪ Six days to our holiday ♪
♪ And the bus should look like new ♪
♪ Shiny bright as a birthday gift ♪
♪ Give it a real facelift and its body, the sheen ♪
♪ Of a top beauty queen ♪
♪ Five more days, just five more days ♪
♪ To fix up dozens of things ♪
♪ Let's spring-clean it from front to rear ♪
♪ Yes, I've cleaned all the springs ♪
♪ Four days to our holiday ♪
♪ And we know before we're through ♪
♪ Our bus will be safer than any bank ♪
♪ Tough as an army tank We will check everywhere ♪
♪ Though it's hard to get there ♪
♪ Three days to our holiday ♪
♪ And though sunny skies are blue ♪
♪ By the time that it leaves our shed ♪
♪ Our bus will be bright red and we know that we will ♪
[French accent] ♪ Paint Paris redder still! ♪
Oui!
♪ Two days to our holiday ♪
♪ All of the inside to do ♪
♪ So this old London bus can pass ♪
♪ As a hotel first-class ♪
We'll make everything fit.
- ♪ Including... ♪ - Ah yes, that's it!
♪ One more day, just one more day ♪
♪ So we must not waste an hour ♪
♪ Come on, let's get the plumbing in ♪
♪ Cor blimey, what a shower! ♪
♪ Off we go on our holiday ♪
♪ And it's you we have to thank ♪
Fellas. Fellas.
Fellas.
We'd just like to say that on behalf of the four of us that...
Well, we'd never have made it without you. Would we, chaps?
- No! - Definitely not.
It just goes to show, you can't do without friends.
No, we promise we won't forget you.
- We'll send you postcards. - Yeah! So long, chaps!
- [men chattering] - Cheers, guys!
- Great job! - See you when we get back, fellas.
See ya! See ya, fellas! Thanks, cheers!
- See ya, fellas! - Thanks for everything!
Bye, boys!
[engine splutters]
Yeah, bye!
[together] Who forgot to fill the tank?
Oh!
[music: "Summer Holiday"]
♪ We're all going on a summer holiday ♪
♪ No more working for a week or two ♪
♪ Fun and laughter on our summer holiday ♪
♪ No more worries for me or you ♪
♪ For a week or two ♪
♪ We're going where the sun shines brightly ♪
♪ We're going where the sea is blue ♪
♪ We've seen it in the movies ♪
♪ Now let's see if it's true ♪
♪ Everybody has a summer holiday ♪
♪ Doing things they always wanted to ♪
♪ So we're going on a summer holiday ♪
♪ To make our dreams come true ♪
♪ For me and you ♪
[bus horn beeps]
- Hey, what's up, doc? - Well, look at that thing ahead of us.
- What is it? - I dunno, but it shouldn't be on the road.
- What's the matter? - Look at that, look!
Aah!
Why doesn't he stop hooting his horn? There's plenty of room to pass!
Oh, don't take any notice of them. You know what they say about French drivers.
In a London bus?
- Ah, but they won't stop. - He thinks you want to pass.
- They can't see us for baggage. - I'll have to get alongside.
- What's the French word for wheel? - Erm?
- La wheel! - No!
- "La" what? - What's the matter with the English word?
- Because they're probably French! - Oh, yeah.
Roue! Roue, that's the French word for wheel.
- Roue! - Roue! Roue!
- The wheel! The wheel! - What's he say?
Rue. That's French for road.
Roue! Roue! Roue!
- It's as much our rue as it is yours! - Roue!
What else did you get for Christmas?!
We're just trying to say...
Will you please get out of our way?!
[truck horn blares]
[brakes squeal]
Ow!
Oh!
Well, go and see how the girls are while I see what the bus is doing.
- Oh, the girls! - Yeah, let's go and see how they are.
Well, they look alright.
Women!
Everything they say about women drivers is true!
Of all the stupid, idiotic, dangerous...
Women drivers indeed! It's people like you that shouldn't be allowed on the road.
I'm Cyril.
I'm Sandy.
We just wanted to let you know about your wheel.
If you'd been watching where you were going instead of shouting at us,
- we'd need never have met! - Oh, Sandy, don't be beastly to them.
- It wasn't their fault, was it? - Steve, Steve Jones.
- I'm Angie. - Glad to know you, Charlie.
I'd just like to say, miss, that the accident would've been far more serious
had it not been for your superb driving and very quick thinking.
Oh, glad that didn't go unnoticed.
You certainly didn't mean any harm, did you?
- Cyril. - I'm Cyril. He's Edwin.
- Oh, yes, of course, Edwin. - Oh, it's my favourite name!
- Really? Oh! - Anyone hurt?
- Hey, what's the damage? - Well, the light and the radiator,
- but we should make it to Paris. - Great!
[laughs] Hey, but your car doesn't look so hot. What hit you?
Maybe it's lucky for you that we stopped. Now you can travel in comfort.
We're not going on a London bus if that's what you had in mind.
Well, you're not going to get very far on your holiday in this thing!
We're not going on a holiday, we're on our way to an engagement.
We're a singing trio and we're on our way to our latest and greatest engagement.
- In six days. - It's our first job.
Singers! Well, that's great.
We can have you wherever you wanna be in a couple of days.
- Paris, Cannes, Nice... - Athens.
Athens. Athens?!
I think it's conference time, gentlemen.
Ladies, excuse us a moment.
- Will you get out? Try again now. - They're never gonna make it in that car!
Start the ignition. We'll give it a push. Come on.
Hey, if we go as far as Athens, maybe I can drive.
Yeah, maybe, Edwin, maybe.
Yeah. Well, those in favour of taking the girls?
- Edwin? - Oh!
Let's go!
Good news, girls. My board of directors and myself have unanimously agreed
to take you all to Athens in the company coach.
- But we don't... - As our guests.
You could have saved the board meeting. We're not hitchhikers.
- We've got transport of our own. - Look, take it from me,
we're all expert mechanics and... Well, this car's a right-off.
Now how do you know? You haven't even looked at it.
Yes, the least you can do is look at it.
Very well, gentlemen, let's look at it.
- What are they going to do? - Just don't take any notice.
[Sandy] What are you doing?
[Don tuts]
[Sandy gasps]
[Don tuts]
Angie.
Get out!
- [Don chuckles] - Come on.
Come on!
♪ The bush upon the rotor pump ♪
♪ Is pushed into the floater sump ♪
♪ It's wearing out the trunnion teeth ♪
♪ By bearing on the cog beneath ♪
♪ Which means in terms of tension swings ♪
♪ The seams of your suspension springs ♪
♪ In cyclic thirds are set apart ♪
♪ In very simple words, dear ladies ♪
♪ Your car won't start ♪
♪ So we're making this offer ♪
♪ Ride with us, come ride with us ♪
♪ Through the countryside with us ♪
♪ For our bus has every comfort inside ♪
♪ We are pleading, please let us take you for a ride ♪
[engine splutters]
Now look what you've done!
Listen...
Do you mind?
♪ To try to wrench the gyro sphere ♪
♪ Without a bench would take all year ♪
♪ Don't risk it like that on the road The brisket feedline might explode ♪
♪ The ball valve's past the hydro trend There's something nasty round the bend ♪
♪ The lubri-tank is running slow ♪
♪ To put it very frankly, ladies, your car won't go ♪
♪ So ride with us, come ride with us ♪
♪ Better be allied with us ♪
♪ Here's an offer ♪
♪ That is quite bona fide ♪
♪ We are pleading, please let us take you for a ride ♪
[Sandy sighs]
Ooh!
- [bang!] - [Don] Ow!
Oh!
Aw!
[gasps] What do you think he's doing?
- Here you are. - Thank you.
Come on, girls!
Hey!
[Don whistles]
♪ You know I shouldn't be surprised that gasket hood looks pulverised ♪
♪ The shocking coil is now reversed so flush it, boil and then you burst ♪
♪ Compression peak will soon distend the leak that leaks in your big end ♪
♪ That nasty coke has got a hitch around the choke adjustment switch ♪
♪ The piston spark is dynamite and cutting out the parking light ♪
♪ And from its shake, your outside brake is needing a new drum! ♪
♪ In fact, make no mistake ♪
♪ You've really had it, chum ♪
♪ So ride with us, come ride with us ♪
♪ Past the forest and the riverside ♪
♪ Take a tour with us that's really nationwide ♪
♪ For as guys we're really qualified ♪
- ♪ There's no need to look terrified ♪ - Oh, really!
♪ For when you have tried you will say, wide-eyed! ♪
♪ We are just what the doctor specified ♪
♪ We are pleading, please let us take you for a... ♪
- ♪ Ride with us! ♪ - [car backfires]
♪ Ride with us! ♪
♪ Please let us take you for a ride! ♪
[girls screaming]
[car backfires]
Oh!
[girls humming]
Our offer's still open.
Girls, I think it's time for a conference.
Excuse us.
I think the problem is quite simple.
Do we take a nice, fast train to Athens
that'll get us there on time or...
shall we risk it in a rickety old London bus with four strange boys?
Those in favour of the nice fast train?
- Oh! - Super!
Load the bus, boys, here we come.
- Oh, hoorah! - Come on, get the cases. Here we go.
♪ We're all going on a summer holiday ♪
- ♪ No more working... ♪ - [car backfires and hisses]
[groaning]
- Oh! - [all chattering]
[Cyril] Ooh-la-la! Oui, oui, oui!
Oh, boy, we made it! Paris, France!
Look, we're staying in Paris as long as it takes to repair the bus.
That's all. A few hours at the most.
[French accent] Oh, a few hours in Paris can be like a lifetime! Oh!
[twangy guitar music]
Oh, I feel so cool!
[excited chatter]
[indistinct]
Ooh! Cool!
[excited chatter]
- Sandy? - Yes.
- I've never met a singer before. - You must have.
Well, not a professional, I mean.
Oh, you can't really call me a professional. I've never been paid.
I bet you've got a lovely voice.
Mm, it's not really good enough to be a solo.
In the trio, you don't notice it so much.
I bet I'd notice it anywhere.
Would you?
[excited chatter]
So then we decided to call ourselves Do, Re and Mi.
- I thought of that. Do you like it? - Yeah.
I think a good name for an act is very important.
Yes, I've heard that.
[laughs] Of course I've heard it! I said it!
[giggles]
[they laugh]
Hey, Charlie, has anyone ever told you
that you are the most beautiful girl I've ever seen?
- Do you call everyone Charlie? - No, only the people I dig.
- But why Charlie? - I don't know.
It's an up-name. Happy, you know what I mean?
- Oh, like good-time Charlies? - Yeah, that's right.
Do you like my name - Angie?
Oh, I think it's the most, Charlie.
[music stops, cheering, applause, wolf whistles]
[all talking at once]
- Hi. - Everything ready, Don?
- Everything's fine. - Oh, you should've seen it!
I know, I know, but we've got to get going.
- Oh! - Not yet.
- Well, you do want to get to Athens? - Yep, he's right. Let's go.
- Come on. Where's Steve? - [bongo drums play]
[band join in]
[man] Come on, hit it!
- Let's hear you play, come on! - [Steve laughs]
Go!
Hey!
- Go, go! - Hey, yes!
Hey! Look out!
Yee-ha!
Ouch!
Thank you!
[Don] Oh, come on, we've gotta go!
Come on, let's stop now!
Yeah! Yeah!
All right, we must get out in about five minutes.
- Hey! - Oh, please!
Come on!
[excited chatter]
Come on!
[girls] Oh!
[cheering]
Whoa!
[Angie] Steve!
Time to go.
Come on, let's get him out of here.
[excited chatter]
[dance music plays]
Not too loud. We mustn't disturb the neighbours!
- Don, where did you get to tonight? - Oh, I went to a café near the garage.
Had a great meal.
Food! Of course, food. I knew we'd forgotten something. Food!
- Girls, to the kitchen. - I'm hungry.
I'll do the table.
You know...
I might just start off with some lovely French onion soup.
Followed by roast duck in orange sauce.
Finishing with crêpes Suzette.
- Well, you'll have baked beans. - With an egg on top.
And like it. Now, turn off the music and help me lay the table.
- Come on! - Oh, watch it! Mind the disc!
Look out back there. We're coming to a railway crossing.
Oh, oh, oh! Watch it!
[together] Edwin!
Not me this time.
[laughter]
[banging on roof]
Hey, what was that?
- I think we've got mice. - King-sized mice.
I think we'd better find out who's up there.
Girls, stay down here.
- Boys, let's take a look. - Yeah, you take a look.
Oh, come on!
Blimey!
It's a boy.
[Edwin] Yeah, he looks frightened.
Hey, what do you know? Our first stowaway.
Alright, young fella, what's it all about?
Maybe he doesn't understand English.
I'll speak French. Erm...
Parlez-vous français?
[Steve] Are you lost, Charlie?
Êtes-vous perdu, Charlie?
- Ask him where he comes from? - Oui.
Où est la plume de ma tante?
Oh, leave him alone. Can't you see he's scared?
Yes, poor little boy. He can't be more than 14.
- Well, he should be able to talk. - He's probably hungry.
- Well, he can't understand. - You watch. Manger?
Manger?
Yes, that settles it. No more questions till he's had something to eat.
You're English?
American?
How old are you?
14.
Have you run away from home?
- Oh, I haven't got a home. - Oh! Did you want to ride on the bus?
- Mmm. - Well, where do you want to get to?
- We're going to Athens. - That's where I want to go!
Oh, well, you eat your meal and we'll see what we can do.
I... I think we ought to bury the scraps outside.
Cyril.
And we'll get the sleeping bags ready. Have you finished?
- Shh! Cyril. - What are we gonna do, Don?
Well, we can't keep him here, that's for sure.
Perhaps we could drop him off at the next police station.
No. If we do that, we'll get tied up with French red tape for at least a month.
- Well, maybe he's run away from home. - He said he hasn't got a home.
Probably just a hitchhiker. There are dozens of them all over.
Well, we've got to make up our minds quickly,
- cos as it is we're pushed for time. - To get to Athens?
Yup. We've got to rush through France, Switzerland, Austria
and then we've got two days for Yugoslavia and Greece.
That means we get to Athens by Saturday.
Do we take him?
Crazy.
Bury these, Edwin.
Well, it looks like you've got yourself a ride. What's your name?
Bar... Bobby.
- Welcome aboard, Bobby. My name's Don. - Steve.
- Sandy. - I'm Cyril.
- Angie. - Mimsie.
- Hello. - The one outside's Edwin.
Listen, we'd better turn in. We've got an early start tomorrow morning.
- Goodnight, girls. - Goodnight, boys.
You stay here with us.
Here, Bobby.
[Cyril whistles a tune]
Er, do you always sleep with all your clothes on?
Yes.
Goodnight.
How does this sound?
"Dear Mummy, France is very well. We've picked up lots of culture.
- Love, Sandy." - Oh, that's fine, Sandy.
How about this one to Ken?
"Dear Ken, the world is beautiful.
Things really swing when you travel by bus.
The sky is bluer, the sun is brighter and the girls are lovelier."
Signed Don.
Hey, that's sheer poetry, man.
Yeah, but not very accurate.
We've been sitting here for nearly an hour and I've not seen one lovely girl yet.
- Oh, yeah? - Present company excluded.
[women speak French]
- How about them? - They're lovely?
Ooh, they're lovely.
What you guys don't understand is that beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
And when you're travelling, you're very beholden.
Yeah.
♪ Every girl is a beautiful girl ♪
♪ When you're a stranger in town ♪
♪ And every chick looks so cute and slick ♪
♪ When you're all alone and low down ♪
♪ And then a smile ♪
♪ Will open the door ♪
♪ And in a little while ♪
♪ You'll be a stranger no more ♪
♪ But till then, every girl is a beautiful girl ♪
♪ When you're a stranger ♪
♪ In any town ♪
[Don whistles the tune]
Bonjour, madame.
Oh! [woman shouts in French]
Oh!
♪ And then a smile ♪
♪ Will open the door ♪
♪ And in a little while ♪
♪ You'll be a stranger no more ♪
♪ But till then, every girl is a beautiful girl ♪
♪ When you're a stranger ♪
♪ Your heart is in danger ♪
♪ When you're a stranger ♪
♪ In town ♪
Whoa!
But I was...
Oh! Women!
- Hooray! - Watch it!
[Cyril hums]
Careful!
Hey, hang on to that. Coming down.
[Sandy] Ooh, you are messy.
Edwin! Edwin, put me down! Idiot!
- Bonjour. - Bonjour, monsieur.
- Er... une téléphone, monsieur. - Un téléphone.
[kiosk man] Un téléphone.
- Monsieur, monsieur! - Ah, monsieur.
Merci.
Hotel Napoleon, Paris, person-to-person, Mrs Winters.
Oui.
A TV show of her own, ten weeks' top money and what does she do?
She runs out of here someplace without even signing a contract.
Children these days don't know how to spell gratitude.
You did say she could have a holiday.
She's a star. A star can't just loaf around for ten weeks.
A star must work and work and work.
She's worked all her life. Supported the three of us since she was four years old.
She had a childhood that any other child would envy.
While other girls were filling their heads with algebra and geometry,
she was learning practical things.
Like how to slip past the hotel clerk?
Oh! We travelled everywhere.
Running away from creditors.
- She got to see the country, didn't she? - At that speed?
- [phone rings] - I don't want to speak to anyone.
Oh, how could she do this to me?
When I get hold of her, I'll give her a lesson she'll never forget.
- After all I've done for her. - Hi, honey! How are you?
- I'll say, "Miss Barbara Winters..." - Sure.
- Who is it? - Barbara.
Barbara, baby! What are you doing to me? Oh, I just hope...
I never have to spend another night like last night. Sick with fear...
and worried to death. Where are you?
Never mind where I am, Mother.
I only called to let you know how I was and so you wouldn't worry.
But, baby, where are you?
I'm not going to tell you where I am.
What do you mean, you're not going to tell me where you are? I'm your mother!
I've a right to know.
Just a minute, honey, there's someone at the door.
Get on the other phone quick and have them trace this call.
Now, Barbara, baby, listen to me.
I'm your mother, your own flesh and blood.
And if you're not back here tonight by six o'clock,
you're going to see flesh and blood turn into cold, hard steel!
Mother, I'm having more fun than I've ever had and I'm not coming back.
Now, just get on the plane and go to New York,
and I'll see you there in a few weeks.
- [Cyril] Come on, Don! Where you been? - No, I can't... I've got to go. Bye-bye.
Barbara! Barbara!
- [engine starts] - Hey, wait!
Come on, Bobby!
Hello?
Oui.
Hey!
Barbara!
Well?
He called from a newspaper stall in Chaumont.
I spoke to the proprietor. He said the call was placed by a little boy.
It was not. I know Barbara's voice when I hear it.
- She's in disguise. - What's she in disguise for?
So you can't find her.
Are you intimating that she ran away from me?
- Who's intimating? - What else did he say?
She's travelling with a bunch of English kids on a London bus.
One of those big red things and he heard them say something about going to Athens.
Athens? Well, what she want to go to Athens for?
I could tell you but you wouldn't like it.
Oh, here it is - Chaumont. Now they'll be travelling along there.
- Their next stop would be "Soik-sant". - What?!
"Soik-sant"!
- Soixante. - Well, I'll have her stopped there.
- [shower is running, humming] - Somebody bring up a towel.
Our local Casanova's having his second bath of the day.
Edwin... Oh!
Bobby, do us a favour, take him up a towel, there's a good lad.
- Me? - You're not doing anything, are you?
Well... Well, yes. In fact... I'm reading! This is very...
[Edwin] One soft towel coming up!
[Bobby laughs nervously]
Hey, Bobby, tell him that's the last one.
After this, he'll probably have to use a handkerchief.
[they laugh]
Hurry up with the towel.
- Here you are. - Thanks, Bobby.
Don't go away! I want to speak to you a moment.
- What about? - About you.
You're not in any kind of trouble, are you?
Who, me?
Whatever gave you that idea?
Well, you're a bit young to go wandering around Europe all by yourself.
Excuse me.
I can take care of myself.
I may be young but I'm tough.
If that's the way you want it.
Pass me my shorts.
Yeah.
Thanks.
Well, just you remember, if ever you need any help,
you know where to come.
Oh... Thanks. That... I'll get your shirt.
Oh, two buttons missing. I'll sew them for...
[laughs] I'll get one of the girls to sew them for you.
Yeah, I guess I'm better with a spanner than a needle and cotton. Pass me another.
Don, you need a woman to look after you.
Oh, no, not this one.
Mind you, girls are all very well, but at a distance.
Date them once and then run.
Date them twice and they're getting serious.
- They don't think the way we do, do they? - Oh, you're so right.
They're off with that chat about marriage and weddings,
and, "What's your favourite name for a girl?"
Next thing you know, you're hooked and wondering what hit you.
No. No girl is gonna own me.
What if you fall in love though?
I mean, what if you meet a girl that you want to own?
- Oh, that'll never happen. - It could.
Suppose it did.
Well, I'd...
I'd...
Oh, well, you wouldn't understand. You're only 14.
- And a half. - [horn beeps]
What's all that hooting. Come on, let's go and see.
[horn beeps]
- Would you get this character in the road. - What is he doing?
[horn beeps]
What's with you, Charlie? You tired of life or something?
- What do you think he is? - I don't know.
Who's that?
What do you think he wants?
I think he wants to ask us something. Oh!
[imitates sound of approaching car]
- Vroom! - Oh!
[they laugh]
[imitates sound of buzzing bees]
- I've got it, I've got it! - I think he's got it.
He's stuck here and he wants us
to give him a lift to the next town.
- Of course! - Oh, very brilliant.
But surely there must be a simpler way to ask somebody.
- I don't think he speaks English. - I don't think he speaks.
- Ow! Ooh! - Oh!
[French accent] I do not have to speak, mon vieux.
I am the Great Orlando.
I speak the most international language of all.
- The language of mime. - How's that?
I can say anything I wish with my hands.
[Don chuckles]
- Very good. - My face.
Well, say something.
- I think he wants a lift. - Bon, bon, bon! You understood!
Actions speak louder than words.
How's this?
Très bien. Time is flying, you have to be off.
- Oui. - Voilà!
- And if you want a lift, hop aboard. - Merci bien.
And while we are speeding along the highway, er,
I will teach you all the magical mysteries of mime,
with, of course, the assistance of my company.
[he barks orders in French]
[excited clamour]
[all talking at once]
[Cyril] Mind what you're doing with your French stick!
- [excited chatter] - Vive la France!
Vive la France.
Good morning, good morning. Hi, Annie.
- Hi. - We found Barbara. She'll be back tonight.
No! No, no, don't let her come home.
Oh, Jerry, you mustn't be hard on her. Think how I feel.
- Stella, look, look. - You're only her agent.
But I'm her mother. I've given up my life for her career.
True, you have.
I could have thought of myself all these years,
but no, all I thought about was her security...
Look, Stella, will you please read this?
- It made the front page! - That's what I've been trying to tell you!
Look, this is the greatest thing that could've happened and you know why?
Because it's a natural. We didn't dream it up.
You couldn't buy this kind of publicity for a million bucks.
Look, Heather Harper got on the phone to me this morning.
- She did? - Yeah.
She wanted the inside story of Barbara's disappearance, see?
- She didn't think it was phoney? - No, no, no.
She said she wasn't at all surprised the kid ran away, cos she'd met you.
Oh, Jerry that's wond... What she mean by that?
I... Well, who knows?
Look, the main thing is, Barbara must not be brought back.
We've gotta milk this for all it's worth and it's worth at least ten days,
maybe two weeks. Can you imagine it?
For two weeks, all over the world, people doing nothing
but reading about and talking about Barbara Winters. Everywhere.
London, Paris, Rome, New York, Hollywood...
Hollywood? The Academy Award.
[harps playing]
- Stella! - She mustn't come back.
What have I been saying? Where is she now?
Well, she met up with a bunch of English kids
and they're on a London bus going to Athens.
A London bus? That's going to attract attention.
- We've gotta get it off the road. - Maybe we could have them arrested.
- Arrested? For what? - I don't know.
Oh! Wait a minute. I bet they haven't got a licence to carry passengers on that bus.
- Well, are they carrying passengers? - What do you think Barbara is, baggage?
- Ah! - Now, look, they'll be coming along here.
Call the police at that place and have them stopped.
- Yeah. "Swixant". - Well... Yeah.
"Swixant". Yeah, hello.
Yeah, we'd like to place a call to the police at "Swixant".
Mention the name of that official we met at dinner the other night...
Yeah, yeah. Alright, yeah. "Swixsant". S-O-I-X...
- Oh, come on! - Soxiante. Yeah, fine. Eh?
Oh, yeah. She got the breakfast alright. Look, police, Soixante.
That's right. Quickly.
- [all arguing] - Silence!
But really, sir, we weren't taking any money. Just giving them lifts.
They were in the road and they were all by themselves...
I have definite information that you were plying for hire in this dangerous bus.
You shall be made an example of. We cannot have such dangerous conduct in France,
a country of good, careful drivers.
[brakes squealing, crashing outside]
[man and woman arguing outside]
You will be remanded in the custody of this town,
pending further investigation into this incident.
But we're just tourists on our way to Greece!
This entire affair is fraught with duplicity.
But I daresay we shall have the whole thing solved in a week's time.
- A week?! - A week?!
- [all talking at once] - Silence!
- We can't stay here for a week.
We've got to be in Athens in five days.
Your Honour, we did not use the bus for hire.
Yeah. Well, that is what you say.
But I have had word from Paris that says differently.
- But we don't know anybody in Paris. - We have had information from Bonaparte.
Napoleon Bonaparte?
No, Himmi Bonaparte.
He is no relation but very high up in the ministry.
And if he says that you are bus passenger transporters,
bus passenger transporters you are until you've proved differently.
- Monsieur le Président. - Yes.
- Perhaps I can be of some assistance. - Ah oui.
- [he whispers in French] - Ah oui, ah oui. Oh, ah, bon.
Who are you?
I am the Great Orlando,
leader of this troop of entertainers.
So, now you are entertainers?
A moment ago, you were tourists.
A tourist can be many things. Truly we are all entertainers.
I suppose this can be proved?
Monsieur, I ask nothing more than that you permit us to entertain you.
- Very well. Begin. - Merci bien.
Now, I beg a few moments of the court's time to organise...
No, no, no, no! You want to give a show, you give it, here and now.
But we have need of props, makeup, costumes...
If you are entertainers, all you need is talent.
- Absolument vrai, Monsieur le Président. - Oui, oui.
- Absolument vrai. - Mmm.
Just as a judge needs nothing more than wisdom.
- Oh. - Yet you wear this robe as a costume.
Use that gavel as a prop and this courthouse as your scenery.
Very well. You can have ten minutes to get ready
and then you either begin your show or your jail sentence.
Very vite! Oh, pardon, monsieur.
[excited chatter]
What have you got us into? We're not performers!
- [excited chatter continues] - Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh!
You wish to get out of here, do you not?
- [all] Yes! - You will perform!
- Oh, we can't! We don't know how. - You will learn!
- In ten minutes? - Oui!
Look, we haven't even got a script.
We three are very professional performers.
We can't go out there saying any old lines!
Who has mentioned any old lines?
Have you already forgotten what I told you?
Actions speak louder than words.
Sylvie, la maquillage! Gaston, la scène!
Josephine, la musique! René, la costumes!
All of you, cher amis, give forth dans la plus belles spectaculaire du monde!
- Voilà! - Voilà!
- [all shouting]
[sleazy music]
[Orlando] La plus belle au monde!
Vite, vite, vite!
[he complains in French]
Vite, vite, vite, mes amis, vite!
Don't forget, action is louder than words!
[banging]
[playful music]
Whoop!
Oh!
[she giggles]
[giggling]
[music becomes more and more frantic]
[screaming and groaning]
[excited chatter]
[Don whistles]
I think we'd better beat it.
[excited chatter]
[he chuckles]
Oh, wait!
Call on me if you ever need work, my boy.
That's a splendid imitation of a girl.
Hello.
Look, I know I owe you all an explanation.
But I just can't. Please, if I could just go along and pay my fare, and...
be treated like any of the other girls.
Careful! You don't know what you're saying.
You don't owe us an explanation.
You're welcome aboard the bus and as for paying...
Why don't you come along as a friend?
- [Sandy] Yes. - [Steve] Unanimous.
- Head 'em up and move 'em out! - Let's get going!
- Oh, thank you! - Let me see. I can't...
[girls all chattering]
I must say, you've done alright for yourself. That's a very nice girl.
- All I did was ask her along on the bus. - Yeah, she seemed very grateful.
Hey, what's this?
This is not a running buffet!
Yeah, I'd watch that girl. You know what they say about American dollies. Aw!
Cyril, not this boy.
Who is he?
♪ When I was young my father said ♪
♪ "Son I have something to say" ♪
♪ And what he told me I'll never forget ♪
♪ Until my dying day ♪
♪ He said, "Son, you are a bachelor boy ♪
♪ And that's the way to stay ♪
♪ Son, you'll be a bachelor boy ♪
♪ Until your dying day" ♪
♪ When I was 16, I fell in love ♪
♪ With a girl as sweet as can be
♪ But I remembered just in time ♪
♪ What my daddy said to me ♪
♪ He said, "Son, you are a bachelor boy ♪
♪ And that's the way to stay ♪
♪ Son, you'll be a bachelor boy ♪
♪ Until your dying day" ♪
♪ As time goes by I probably will ♪
♪ Meet a girl and fall in love ♪
♪ Then I'll get married have a wife and a child ♪
♪ And they'll be my turtle doves ♪
♪ But until then I'll be a bachelor boy ♪
♪ And that's the way I'll stay ♪
♪ Happy to be a bachelor boy ♪
♪ Until my dying day ♪
♪ But until then I'll be a bachelor boy ♪
♪ And that's the way I'll stay ♪
♪ Happy to be a bachelor boy ♪
♪ Until my dying day ♪
- Well, where are they? - They're departé. They've gone.
What do you mean, they've gone? They were supposed to hold them here.
- Well, they didn't. - That's French justice for you.
- How long have they been gone? - Er, we... Er...
Monsieur, are you...? Er, a few hours.
- Well, come on then. - Well, wait a minute.
Shouldn't have any trouble finding a London bus on the road.
Look, Stella, they're liable to be in Switzerland by now.
So, we'll stop them in Switzerland. Move!
Oh, the agonies of motherhood!
[birds twittering]
Come on, Cyril, where's my breakfast?
Isn't it your turn to take over yet?
Yeah, be with you in a minute, Steve.
- As soon as I finish shaving. - Come on, Cyril.
Steve's breakfast is ready.
Does this bus never stop?
You know, I don't think I slept a wink last night.
In that case, you'll remember that we stopped at the Swiss frontier.
- Last night. - Did we? Oh, yeah, yeah.
If we can keep this up, we should be in Athens in plenty of time.
[Don] Hey, Steve, pull over a bit.
There's something coming up the road like a flipping rocket.
Hey, where's the fire, Charlie?
- Do you think they saw us? - At this speed, even I can't see us.
Well, they'll never get up that road.
They'll have to take the other road about a mile back.
- Remove that sign. - But, Stella...
If they go up there, they're liable to get stuck on the mountain.
- So what are we here for? - You're so right.
- What's slowing us down? - This hill.
I think it's a one-in-one.
Cyril, listen to me. Don't turn round!
Now, look, you and the others are still a bit worried about Barbara.
I have an idea. The bus stalls, you and the others walk up the hill with the gear,
just to make it look authentic.
I drive Barbara up and find out all about her.
- I've got a better idea. - What?
We drive the bus and you walk up the hill.
- Do you want me to find out about her? - Yes.
- Good. Just back me up. - I'll give the performance of my lifetime.
I'll probably get a busman's Oscar.
Don.
- Bachelor boy. - Just tell me when.
- [rattling] - When!
Ah!
- Edwin! - Sorry, Cyril.
- Think you can make it now? - Yeah. Wish me luck.
I'd better take someone with me though in case I run into any kind of trouble.
How about you, Barbara?
Well... Sandy, you're the lightest.
Oh, no! I want to stay with Cyril.
Yeah, come on, Barbara.
[chattering outside]
- All clear? - Good luck, Charlie!
Good luck!
- Ready when you are! - Ready when you are!
[straining]
[Steve] Move it! Come on!
[straining]
[cheering]
[all singing]
[Sandy groans]
Are you sure you know where you're going, Edwin?
You know, I think this mountain keeps growing as we climb.
Hey, look!
[panting]
- Oh! - [giggling]
- Oh! Oh, it's got no collar. - Look, and no brandy.
Wouldn't you know, we find the only St Bernard in Switzerland with no brandy.
[Steve] Story of my life. Here we go then.
[Sandy] Bye-bye then.
[dog whines]
Ah, look, he wants to join us.
[Angie] Maybe we can take him with us to Athens.
- He doesn't seem to belong to anyone. - You want to go to Athens, Charlie?
[barks]
- [they laugh] - Well, that settles it.
But I'm warning you, if you turn out to be a girl too, then I'm leaving the bus.
- [barks] - [they laugh]
[Edwin] Come on, Charlie!
[sighs] We made it!
What's so funny?
Oh, I know.
You're laughing at me because of all those things I said to you yesterday.
No. No. I... I agree. I think you were perfectly right.
- I was? - Yes.
Why should a girl think that she owns a fella just because he holds her hand?
You know, I brought you up here to find out all about you, but...
now I don't think it matters.
Oh. Thank you.
Hey, Barbara, wait a minute! Barbara!
I know what bothers you.
Maybe you think I'm going to be like every other girl you've ever known.
Afraid I'm going try to help you, want to own you.
Well, may I tell you something?
I don't want to own you.
I don't even want to rent you.
So, you haven't got a thing to worry about.
Sure. I'm not committing any crime, am I?
I just want to be... Well, free, that's all.
I have nothing against love.
It's just that it ought to be easy and casual.
- Fun. - That's right.
Yeah, that's right. It's too light to go on forever.
I don't think anything should go on forever.
I lose interest in things after an hour.
Hey, we really see eye to eye, don't we?
On everything.
You know...
I could be interested in you.
Feel free.
Well...
♪ Ours will be... ♪
♪ A swingin' affair ♪
♪ We won't be tied ♪
♪ We'll stay as free as air ♪
♪ For we won't care what tomorrow brings ♪
♪ It'll be just one of those ♪
♪ Swingin' things ♪
♪ Ours will be... ♪
♪ A swingin' affair ♪
♪ We will just be ♪
♪ A very casual pair ♪
♪ For love won't make us an April fool ♪
♪ Now we've both decided we'd play it cool ♪
♪ We'll share a few laughs ♪
♪ We'll share an odd date ♪
♪ We'll share a few kisses when it's growing late ♪
♪ And though the stars and moon ♪
♪ May shine up above ♪
♪ We'll enjoy the magic but we won't fall in love ♪
♪ Ours will be... ♪
♪ A ring-a-ding-ding ♪
♪ Just for kicks ♪
♪ We two will have our fling ♪
♪ And we'll have fun while there's time to spare ♪
♪ For we'll both enjoy our swingin' affair ♪
- What's the matter? - Nothing.
- It was fun while it lasted. - But, but, but, but...
It can't go on forever.
I'll always remember you.
♪ Hey, let's have... ♪
♪ A swingin' affair ♪
♪ We won't be tied ♪
♪ We'll be as free as air ♪
♪ For we won't care what tomorrow brings ♪
♪ It'll be just one of those ♪
♪ Swingin' things ♪
♪ Ours will be... ♪ [laughs]
♪ A swingin' affair ♪
♪ We'll just be a very casual pair ♪
♪ For love won't make us an April fool ♪
♪ Now we've both decided we'll play it cool ♪
♪ We'll share a few laughs ♪
♪ We'll share an odd date ♪
♪ We'll share a few kisses though it's growing late ♪
♪ And though the stars and moon may shine up above ♪
♪ We'll enjoy the magic but we won't fall in love ♪
♪ Ours will be... ♪
♪ A ring-a-ding-ding ♪
♪ Just for kicks we five will have our fling ♪
♪ And we'll have fun while there's time to spare ♪
♪ For we'll all enjoy our swingin' affair ♪
Hey, hey, hold on!
- Don't move. - But...
Don't move!
♪ We'll enjoy the magic ♪
♪ But we won't fall in love ♪
♪ Ours will be... ♪
♪ A ring-a-ding-ding ♪
♪ Just for kicks ♪
♪ We five will have our fling ♪
♪ And we'll pretend we are not aware ♪
♪ This is more, so much more, than a swingin' affair! ♪
[all chattering]
Signorina, cinque birre, eh?
[Steve] Hey!
Hey, Don!
Here come the others.
[he speaks Italian]
Excuse me.
- Hi. - Hi.
- Hey, where's Cyril. - Oh, he's just coming.
- Hey, we've got a new passenger, too. - Oh, you'll never guess what it is!
Yes, it's a...
[straining]
Brandy!
- No sign of the bus yet? - Nope.
Are you sure there isn't another road they could take?
Not unless they built a new one since yesterday.
Look, quit worrying. After three days, we move in for the big, dramatic rescue.
Yeah, I'll organise a couple of hundred photographers
that just happen to be around.
Ah, watch it. We're not dealing with normal kids, you know.
- They're more like a bunch of Houdinis. - Yeah.
Well, we'll just stake out the road from here.
I'll do it tonight and you take over in the morning.
I couldn't sleep with my darling daughter
dying of exposure up there on that mountain.
Oh, I'm sorry, Stella. I've never been a mother.
- Would you like something to eat? - Just something simple.
Oh, my poor baby up there dying of starvation.
Champagne.
Truffles.
Smoked salmon and asparagus.
[Jerry] Hey, look!
[Stella] I knew it!
What did I tell you? Bunch of Houdinis!
- Follow that bus! - Yeah, yeah. Yeah.
Wake Cyril up, Steve. He's on in five minutes.
- [Cyril snores] - It'll be a pleasure.
Oh!
- [Cyril snores] - Cyril!
Come on.
Oh, what do you wanna wake me up for?
I was having a fabulous dream.
I dreamt I was on my holiday.
Oh, I know what he means! I feel as if I haven't been out of this bus for a week.
Wouldn't it be marvellous if we could get all dressed up and go out somewhere?
Oh, marvellous!
We all owe the boys so much.
Why don't we, the next time we come to a town,
take them out and give them a huge feast on us?
- Oh! With dancing and champagne? - Yes!
I want to really dress up. I was beginning to forget I'm a girl.
- Alright, those in favour? - Oh, yes.
OK, you tell them, Angie.
Boys, boys.
My partners and I would like to have the honour to invite you to be our guests
at our coming out party tonight.
- Coming out? - Coming out of where?
Coming out of the bus party at the next town we come to.
Oh, that's great.
The next town should be Telfes. So you've got half an hour to get ready, girls.
- [they gasp] - Come on! Quick!
I'm going to have a shave.
[traditional waltz plays]
- [Sandy] Well, how about this place? - [Steve] What a ritzy-looking joint!
[Don] Well, maybe we can find a smaller place.
[Sandy] Nonsense, this is our treat! Only the best is good enough.
- [Edwin] It looks sehr gemütlich to me! - [Cyril] Don't be filthy, Edwin!
[Edwin] What's filthy about gemütlich?
- Those no more wine. - Well, we'll have some more.
- Fräulein! Bitte schön, ein bisschen wein. - No, just some more wine.
- Have one more glass of wine. - Yes, I will have some more.
This is the nicest place that we have been.
Yes, it reminds me though of some place that I know.
- I've seen it all before. - Where?
- White Horse Inn. - [laughter]
That's right!
One, two, three. One, two, three. One, two, three. One, two, three.
♪ Something is happening to me ♪
♪ Suddenly I'm on my feet ♪
♪ And as the music goes through me ♪
♪ I belong to the song with the one, two, three beat ♪
♪ And it's happening to me! ♪
♪ It's happening to me! ♪
- ♪ And me! - And me! ♪
♪ And me! ♪
[sings a high note] ♪ Me! ♪
♪ Is... this... me here really waltzing? ♪
♪ Is this me here being so square? ♪
♪ Although I know this sort of music makes me sick and you sick ♪
♪ Still I'm aware ♪
♪ This is me here really waltzing ♪
♪ To a Viennese one-two-three ♪
♪ And if you'll pardon me the simile ♪
♪ I'm Romberg and Friml-y How can this be me? ♪
♪ I've got the urge to wear short leather trousers ♪
♪ And dance the way Strauss's Fledermaus-es ♪
♪ Give me some frau-ses dressed up in cute blouses ♪
♪ Helping their spouses tie bells on their cows-es ♪
♪ For here I'm really waltzing ♪
♪ Though I shudder at the idea ♪
♪ And though I really should know better ♪
♪ Here am I in operetta ♪
♪ Really waltzing here ♪
Come on. Come on!
Eins, zwei!
Hey!
♪ And so ♪
♪ We're here really waltzing ♪
♪ As we take our partners and bow ♪
♪ We say a plague upon the houses of all the three Strausses ♪
♪ But, all the same, we must kow-tow ♪
♪ To the rhythm, catchy rhythm ♪
♪ For the violins play and we've got to go with 'em ♪
♪ We're waltzing, really waltzing ♪
♪ Look at us, really waltzing ♪
♪ Now! ♪
Cyril, what's the matter? What's the matter?
What are you doing? Don?
I've got to speak to you. Something's happened.
- Oh, not to the bus? - Hang the bus! Something's happened to me.
What is it?
Well, remember those things I said to you about the way I feel about love.
Oh, I haven't forgotten a thing.
You want to be free, you don't want to be owned.
We needn't go through all that again now.
I want you to forget it. I want you to forget everything I said.
I don't want to be free. I do want to be owned.
And I am in love.
You sure it isn't the wine and the music?
No, it's not the wine, the women or the song, it's you.
♪ You, you, I owe you, I owe you ♪
Why owe me?
Because I love you, that's why.
♪ All at once ♪
♪ It's you, it's you for me ♪
♪ And all at once ♪
♪ There's blossom on each tree ♪
♪ It's so thrilling ♪
♪ And so new to me ♪
♪ This enchantment ♪
♪ That you do to me ♪
♪ And forever in your spell ♪
♪ I'll be ♪
♪ All at once ♪
♪ My doubts and fears are past ♪
♪ I feel as though ♪
♪ I've come back home at last ♪
♪ I thought I was fancy-free ♪
♪ Till I felt this magic glow ♪
♪ Now, you're for me ♪
♪ And all at once ♪
♪ I know ♪
You don't believe me?
I just don't want you to say anything I'll regret later.
I swore I'd never tell a girl I loved her, but I'm telling you now.
I love you.
I love you!
I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I...
Am I boring you?
No, you're hurting me a little, but I'm riveted. Go on.
I'm sorry. Got so carried away with the way I felt,
and I thought that when I told you how I felt and how you'd feel and how...
How do you feel?
Just for the record, I've loved you ever since I was a little boy.
♪ All at once ♪
♪ My doubts and fears ♪
♪ Are past ♪
♪ I feel as though ♪
♪ I've come back home at last ♪
♪ I thought I was fancy-free ♪
♪ Till I felt this magic glow ♪
♪ Now, it's you for me ♪
♪ And all at once ♪
♪ I know ♪
Here. Hide it well, they mustn't see it.
Well, does it have to be this? This is worth a fortune.
So, it's insured.
Besides, if we keep the story running long enough, I'll have hundreds of them.
Cufflinks for you.
- Mission accomplished. - Not quite.
We've got to inform Yugoslav border guys
that a valuable diamond pendant is missing.
How do you get these fabulous ideas?
Pure mother love. Now, let's get going.
[man shouts]
[they speak Serbo-Croat]
Here look, here's my passport... I'm a foreigner! Do you mind?
Listen, I'm an English citizen! I've got a British passport.
Look, that's my face! Look! Ooh!
[they speak Serbo-Croat]
It seems the, er, natives are restless.
Goodbye, Don. It was nice knowing you.
What do you think they're looking for?
I told you we shouldn't have tried to smuggle a bus.
- Do you think Charlie's got a licence? - [Cyril giggles]
Maybe they're searching for dangerous weapons?
In that case, we can say goodbye to Steve's bongos.
Hey! [man speaks Serbo-Croat]
- [barking] - Oh, Charlie!
[Charlie whines]
That's mine!
Mine.
He tried to steal my pendant, look. It's got my picture in it.
- [Cyril] Let's move! - [Angie] Come on! Let's go!
[Steve] Let's get out of here before they change their minds, huh?
[Edwin] Don't push, Cyril.
Goodbye!
[Cyril] Arrivederci!
- Bye! - Goodbye!
Bye-bye!
[they argue in Serbo-Croat]
- Cor, stone me! Did you see that, Cyril? - Yeah. Innit marvellous?
Everybody seems to be driving Thunderbirds over here.
I'm not so sure everybody does. That looks like the same one to me.
Put it over there. That road ought to delay them for a couple of hours.
With a little luck, they might even get lost.
- Over here? - No! Over there!
Oh.
Lost?
I think we should've gone the other way. That danger sign must be wrong.
- This isn't the main road. - I dunno. This is a pretty wild country.
Look, you probably think I'm a bit mad, but I've got the strangest feeling
that someone's trying to stop us getting to Athens.
- Who'd do that? - Well, I don't know.
It's just that we're getting into too much trouble and having too many delays.
And how about that Thunderbird being everywhere?
That was just a coincidence.
- Perhaps he's trying to get to Athens too. - Yeah, maybe.
Look, don't say anything to the others. It'll only upset 'em.
- [Sandy] Donald? - Yeah?
- Can we have tea now we've stopped? - Yeah, we may as well.
Oh, who's a darling?
Sustenance.
Come on, girls, what fabulous dish have you prepared for our tea?
Well, we were going to have sandwiches, but we're short of one vital ingredient.
- Yeah, what's that? - [girls] Who forgot to buy the bread?
- Oh! - Oh!
Maybe there's a supermarket near.
Eh! Would you get a load of little Bo-Peep out there.
- Where? - Look.
- Sheep. - Little darling.
Eh, maybe she could direct us to the nearest loaf of bread.
- Maybe. Come on, let's go. - [Charlie barks]
No, stay with us, Charlie.
[Steve] Stay there, Charlie, look after the girls.
Oh, wait a minute. What's Yugoslavian for bread?
Oh, hang on.
Here's a guidebook. The thingamajigs are at the back.
- [Sandy] See you, bye! - [Angie] Don't be long!
[Don] Hey!
- [Cyril] Hey, lady! - [Don] Hey! Hey!
[all shouting]
Here, come back!
Hey!
Hey, wait a minute!
- [all shouting] - Ow!
- Come back! - Come back!
[Cyril] Relax! We don't want anything. Look!
We just want to buy some bread.
- Bread? - She doesn't understand.
- She looks scared to death. - Oh, she's frightened.
Don't be afraid. We no hurty.
- We friends. - Friends!
Me Tarzan, you Jane.
- Oh, she's not with it. - Actions speak louder than words.
- Whoa! - [she laughs]
[they all laugh]
- [she sobs] - Oh, don't cry.
- Sing to her, sing to her. - What for?
Well, then she'll know you're a friend. Your enemies don't sing to you, do they?
- Well, what will I sing? - Well, it doesn't matter.
She won't understand you. Just sing something friendly.
Come on. He sings you something friendly. Nice song, yes!
Yeah, come on, up.
[rock 'n' roll music plays]
♪ You must have heard of a little Bo-Peep ♪
♪ She was the gal with all the sheep ♪
♪ Well, one day, it's a sad to say ♪
♪ Her sheep all ran away ♪
♪ She was lonely and she was blue ♪
♪ She was sad and crying too ♪
♪ So I told her what to do ♪
♪ I said, "Put on your dancing shoes" ♪
♪ Put on your dancing shoes ♪
- ♪ Dance away your blues ♪ - Whoa! Whoa!
- Whoops! Hey, hey! - Try something else.
I'll try another.
♪ A friend of mine had an accident ♪
♪ Laughed so hard, off the wall he went ♪
♪ Humpty Dumpty was his name ♪
♪ I guess you've heard the same ♪
♪ He was lying on the ground ♪
♪ Bits and pieces all around ♪
♪ So I told him what to do ♪
♪ I said, "Put on your dancing shoes" ♪
♪ Put on your dancing shoes ♪
♪ Dance away your blues ♪
Hey, hang on!
♪ Yeah, yeah! ♪
♪ I'm sure you know about Jack and Jill ♪
♪ They're the ones that went up the hill ♪
♪ Jack fell down and a broke his crown ♪
♪ And Jill came tumbling after ♪
♪ What a noise their crying made ♪
♪ It was a-ringing through the glade ♪
♪ So I told them what to do ♪
♪ And I changed their tears to laughter ♪
♪ Put on your dancing shoes ♪
♪ Dance away your blues ♪
♪ Mm, put on your dancing shoes ♪
♪ Put on your dancing shoes ♪
♪ Put on your dancing shoes Yeah, yeah! ♪
Quick, while we've got her in a good mood, what's the Yugoslavian for bread.
Nèvjesta!
[all shouting]
- Enough for eight. - Nèvjesta!
- Nèvjesta!
Nèvjesta! Nèvjesta! Nèvjesta!
[excited chatter]
[girl] Nèvjesta! Nèvjesta!
[girl laughs]
[excited chatter]
[girl] Nèvjesta! Nèvjesta!
Nèvjesta! Nèvjesta!
Oh, well... Not too much though. Enough for eight.
Are you sure nèvjesta means bread?
Hey, Don.
Bread is hleb.
[cheering]
Well, what does n èvjesta mean then?
- Bride. - Bride?!
Oh, let's get out of here. Ooh!
[he speaks Serbo-Croat]
[excited shouting and whistling]
[dramatic music]
Oi!
[fanfare]
[laughter]
[all] Aaah!
[traditional music plays]
Ooh!
- Any sign of them yet? - No, and it'll be dark soon.
- They've been gone almost an hour. - An hour?!
Oh, those poor boys will be so hungry.
[he speaks Serbo-Croat]
[cheering]
[crockery smashing]
I told you we should've gone to Blackpool!
Hey, hey, hey! Keep moving, fellas! Keep moving, fellas!
Hey, hey, hey!
I've got an idea!
What is it?
- Boom! - That's it!
Ha-ha!
Hey!
- Oh! - Oh!
- Hey, get out! - [all shouting]
I'll see you.
[gunshots ping]
- We'll never make Athens in time! - Oh yes, we will.
Hold on to your safety belts!
[gunshots ping]
[brakes squeal]
- [excited chatter] - Oh, we made it!
[press clamouring]
[Cyril] What's all this?
Excuse me.
Excuse me. Excuse me.
Donald Preston?
- Er, yes. - Oh, congratulations.
Well done indeed, I must say.
My name's Wrightmore. I'm with the British Consul here.
If there's anything I can do to help.
What's all this about? I mean... I mean, how did you know we were coming?
Well, actually, you've made quite a sensation.
The sight of a London bus travelling on the Continent
has aroused tremendous curiosity and the press are playing it big.
We've all been trying to follow your course.
- Well, here's yesterday's Daily Mail. - Oh, it's us. Look, Steve.
"That London bus operated by four young mechanics
would seem to be making its way to Greece.
A trio of singers known as Do, Re And Mi...
are known to be aboard the bus,
as well as an unidentified American girl."
[brakes squeal]
Come on! Come on!
"The bus was last seen... Continued page three."
Oh, quick!
There they are!
I want those people arrested for the kidnapping of Barbara Winters!
[Cyril] What's this about? This is ridiculous!
- [Cyril] Who are these people? - [Sandy] Stop it!
[Stella] Baby! Baby!
Mother, what on earth are you doing?
A million dollars' worth of publicity.
I swear I didn't know anything about this, Don.
Oh, sure! Just do me a favour.
The next time you want to travel, take a plane.
Don't worry! There must be some mistake! I'll get you out!
Well, at least we'll be comfortable till the trial.
Yeah, it's alright.
Nice.
Girls?
The boys and I would like to say that... Well, we're sorry, aren't we?
- Yeah. - What for?
Well, if you'd caught your train, you'd be working instead of facing a kidnap charge.
Oh, boys. The girls and I would like to say,
we wouldn't have missed it for the world, would we?
- No. - There.
- I'll see you later. - Don, where you going?
Nowhere. I just want to get some fresh air.
Oh, I wonder what it'll be like to sleep
without stopping for red lights all the time.
I wonder what's happened to Don?
Don's got an acute case of the blues
and I think we should just let him get it out of his system.
[romantic music plays]
♪ They say I'll love again someday ♪
♪ A truer love will come my way ♪
♪ The next time ♪
♪ But after you there'll never be ♪
♪ A next time for me ♪
♪ They say that I'll find happiness ♪
♪ In someone else's warm caress ♪
♪ The next time ♪
♪ I'll soon forget your kiss ♪
♪ And heartaches such as this ♪
♪ Will just be ancient history ♪
♪ They say that I'm a fool to weep ♪
♪ That I won't go on losing sleep ♪
♪ The next time ♪
♪ That someone else will mend the heart ♪
♪ You've broken ♪
♪ In two ♪
♪ But how can I fall in love ♪
♪ The next time ♪
♪ When I'm still so very much ♪
♪ In love ♪
♪ With you? ♪
♪ They say that I'm a fool to weep ♪
♪ That I won't go on losing sleep ♪
♪ The next time ♪
♪ That someone else will mend the heart ♪
♪ You've broken ♪
♪ In two ♪
♪ But how can I fall in love ♪
♪ The next time ♪
♪ When I'm still so very much in love ♪
♪ With you? ♪
♪ When I'm still so very much in love ♪
♪ With you? ♪
You've been ages!
- Clap hands, here comes Charlie. - Where have you been?
- Oh, just walking. - [knocking on door]
- Well, who's that then? - Must be the house detective.
- Mr Wrightmore. - Everything alright?
- [Sandy] Oh, yes. - Depends on what you mean by everything.
- A cable came for you this morning. - Hey, what is it?
"Your request for additional buses for your project approved." Stop.
"We will give you all the support we can." Stop.
"Very proud of you all." Stop. Signed Onslow Harbour for London Transport.
If we had all those buses, maybe I could drive!
Maybe, Edwin. All the way to the local jail.
Ooh, yeah.
Just wait till they hear that we've been accused of kidnapping our first passenger.
Look, Mr Wrightmore,
we never kidnapped that girl. She boarded the bus of her own accord.
Her mother must be suffering from delusions.
Yes, you're not far wrong. I've just been talking to Mrs Winters.
They're both of them just down the corridor.
Well, she's having a press conference in the ballroom at six.
- What's Barbara's room number? - Er, 483, I think.
- Thank you, Mr Wrightmore. - Here, Don...
- Who is it? - Me.
- Go away! - Not on your life.
Now you listen here to me, Miss Barbara Winters, if that's your real name.
I don't care what you've done or why you did it.
The fact is, I'm in love with you.
Don!
Of course, I realise it was nothing but a publicity stunt for you.
What beats me is why you didn't go the whole hog and marry me.
- Yes, I'd love to! - Now that would be a great story.
Big American star marries bus mechanic.
- I'd love to. - I can see it now.
Ten-inch banner headlines.
What did you say?
I said I'd love to marry you.
- Barbara. - I love you.
- Shouldn't you open the door? - She's locked me in.
It isn't any good.
She says that if I ever see you again, she'll put you and the others in jail,
- for years and years. - Leave me to deal with your mother.
- But you don't know her. - I'll see to her.
- Oh, Don, you don't know what she can do. - I said, I'll deal with your mother.
- Don't go away now! - I won't. But, Don...
[press clamouring]
Alright, quiet now! Quiet, please, quiet!
Take your seats, please. Take your seats, please. Hi, Charlie.
Thank you. Thank you very much.
I got you all here today to give you the lowdown on this story.
It's not a very pretty story. It's a bit rugged.
Still, it's kind of a beautiful story at that because it concerns a mother.
Not just a mother, but an American mother.
And here she is, that self-same American mother,
the very beautiful and charming Stella Winters.
[applause]
Thank you, thank you.
Ladies and gentlemen of the press,
my story begins seven days ago.
Not a long time, you'll say.
But a whole lifetime for a mother whose daughter has been kidnapped.
Come on!
Barbara!
The boys will get you out. I've got to go. I've got an important date with the press.
- Get weaving, Steve. - Crazy.
- Come on, Cyril, you're the smallest. - Yeah, but you're the strongest.
- Edwin. - No, fellas! No, fellas! Mind the suit!
Oh, careful! Oop!
- Come on, get in! - I'm not used to heights!
Cyril!
Cyril?
- You pushed. - Oh, Cyril!
- [all complaining] - What are you doing?
Hurry up, we haven't got all day. Right, careful. Come on.
- Come on. - Ow!
Am I hurting you, Cyril?
No! No.
- We've got ya! - That's it. That's it.
- You OK, Barbara? - I think so.
- Right, let's go. - Hey, fellas!
- Oh. - Fellas.
We'll catch you.
Oh!
Finally, here in Athens, I caught up with those hoodlums.
And now my lovely daughter, Barbara, is back with me.
Right now, I ask only one thing.
I'd like to meet up with one of those hoodlums face to face.
Well, that shouldn't be difficult. I'm one of them.
- This is a hood? - You?!
You've got a nerve turning up here!
There are two sides to every question and I thought the gentlemen of the press
would like to hear our side.
- It's OK. - Well, how about it?
Listen, kid, we're not interested in taking sides.
We are interested in you. You got something to say, say it.
Alright.
♪ Big news, big news ♪
♪ Have you heard the news? ♪
♪ Here's some news to hit the headlines ♪
- ♪ Tell your papers ♪ - [press] What?
- ♪ Better hold page one ♪ - [press] Sure will!
♪ Have you heard the news? ♪
♪ I'll give you a headline story ♪
- ♪ You'll be cheering ♪ - [press] When?
♪ When my story's done ♪
Gentlemen.
♪ I want to make a statement, I want you all to hear ♪
[press] Yes!
♪ Listen closer to me for the story of the year ♪
♪ I've found the plan for living ♪
♪ To last me all through life ♪
♪ I'm gonna take that girl of mine and then make her my wife ♪
- [press] That's great! - ♪ Have you heard the news? ♪
♪ Have you heard what I've been saying ♪
♪ I've been saying that she's the girl for me ♪
♪ Now here's another statement ♪
- ♪ To all of you today ♪ - [press] Let's write it!
♪ When you get my story then print the words I say ♪
♪ In ten-inch banner headlines ♪
♪ For everyone to see ♪
♪ I'm gonna wed this girl of mine Cos she said she's in love with me ♪
[press] Wow! ♪ Now you've heard the news ♪
♪ Now you've heard why I'm so happy ♪
♪ I'm so happy and it's clear to see ♪
[press] Great!
♪ Now you've heard the news ♪
♪ Now you've heard why I'm so happy ♪
♪ I'm so happy cos she's in love with me ♪
[press] Big news, big news!
♪ Big news, big news ♪
I think we've got trouble.
What did you think of that, Mrs Winters?
Why, if Barbara were here, she'd tell you it's all a pack of lies.
Do you mean that if Barbara really loves this guy, you'd give your consent?
If my daughter loved that... boy, I'd drop all charges.
All I care about is my darling baby's happiness.
Well, I do love him, Mother.
- What? - Oh...
[press clamouring]
[sobbing] Oooh! Oooh!
Is it true you're in charge of taking a party of 200 London buses
to the Riviera next year?
200 buses?
Will you be forming your own company soon?
He'll be big. He's going right to the top.
Oh, he needs someone to shape his career.
Is it true you're going to form an American branch of your company?
Jerry, there's nothing we couldn't become.
- [harps playing] - A transport tycoon.
They'll make us a lord. We'll be presented at court.
- We'll curtsy. - Stella, Stella.
Stella, now, look, look, please.
Young man...
you may kiss me.
[press clamouring]
Baby, oh!
Don!
Oh. Well, thanks again for everything, Mr Wrightmore.
- We'll be back as soon as we can. - Good.
I've had a lot of requests from tourists who'd like to make this trip with you.
Well, you can tell them that Double Decker Tours will be ready for business
in about two weeks' time.
Till then, we're gonna have the holiday we started out to have.
Good luck, Don.
[they play "Summer Holiday"]
♪ We're all going on a summer holiday ♪
♪ No more working for a week or two ♪
♪ Fun and laughter on our summer holiday ♪
♪ No more worries for me or you ♪
♪ For a week or two ♪
♪ We're going where the sun shines brightly ♪
♪ We're going where the sea is blue ♪
♪ We've seen it in the movies ♪
♪ Now let's see if it's true ♪
♪ Everybody has a summer holiday ♪
♪ Doing things they always wanted to ♪
♪ So we're going on a summer holiday ♪
♪ To make our dreams come true ♪
♪ For me and you ♪
♪ For me and you! ♪